If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Randomize
