Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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