it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
