Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
