In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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