Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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