this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
lets start a swedish sibling band together
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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