it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
