matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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