I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
