will power is for people who don't want to get laid
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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