When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
