So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
