At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
