the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
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so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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