Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
