good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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