I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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