You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guiltš
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He said I have the āDenzel Washingtonā of vaginas.
Randomize
