you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
