I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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