I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
