My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Randomize
