Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
