the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Please don't give away my fajitas
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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