Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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