I feel like abortions should bother me more
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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