its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
