I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
