just tell him i said nine months
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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