so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I AM VODKA MAN
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
