i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
