it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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