You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
My Sexting was not on an AP level
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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