It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
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