I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
