Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
