he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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