I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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