There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
