I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
