Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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