there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i wish my penis had a tongue
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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