Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
