I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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