you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Randomize
