1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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