I hate your face
Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Can I color on your dick again?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
