I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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