You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
