you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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