we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
