i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
