Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
