Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
