ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
