She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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