sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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