I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize