Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
