Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
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If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
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"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
How does one acquire holy water?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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