ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
