you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
