It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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