My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
