i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
