Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
