is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
