Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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