I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
