You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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