As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Randomize
