Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize