No I am not eating basil off your cock
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
