omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
