we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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