I could make wine with my vomit
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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