dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
