Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
